But these motherfuckers have painted themselves into a corner with these characters. It'd be one thing if they were silent characters, then I wouldn't actually have a problem with them, because then I wouldn't have to listen to their obnoxious gibberish and then I could actually focus on their actions. Hell, I don't even think they were meant to be seen in small doses either. They were not meant to be seen in large doses. The movie is, technically, not even bad, but I still couldn't stand it because the minions are insufferable characters. The problem, however, comes in the fact that the film lacks no structure, it's just a series of slapstick-y skits without any real story thread holding them together.

The thing is that there's a fairly decent idea here of the minions searching for a suitable villain to serve unquestionably, which doubles as a search for a home as Kevin, Stuart and Bob are looking for a place for their 'tribe' to settle down.

There's a lot of slapstick, but it's all incredibly forgettable and uninteresting. There's also a pretty awesome soundtrack full of 60s songs that, thankfully, the minions don't sacrifice. Don't get me wrong, there's some inspired moments here, like Sandra Bullock as the super-villain in the film was one of the few bright spots of the film and she might've been the only entertaining character in the film. These fucking things are so annoying and the joke wears thin immediately. Maybe the same things I hate about them are the things that other people love, that's entirely possible, but it's just perplexing to me. I don't begrudge anyone for finding the minions adorable or entertaining, but I'm also wondering how anyone over the age of 12 can like these fuckers. It's just that their language is so ridiculously stupid and kiddie that it makes watching them for an extended period of time completely ridiculous. There's also instances where they Minion-ize some popular 60s songs and that's just the dirt fucking worst. Their inane gibberish gets old 10 minutes into the goddamn movie. The fact of the matter is that the joke in this movie is that the minions' language is unintelligible and a lot of the comedy is based on the things they say, which is an amalgamation of words in French, Spanish, English, among other languages. I found them insufferable in smaller doses in both Despicable Me movies, so I thought the idea of them actually getting their own full-length movie, and not one of these silly short movies as special features on the DVD, was just the absolute worst thing possible. In fact, out of all the movie mascots in these films, the minions are easily the most annoying. As was to be expected, this might actually be the most obnoxious movie I've seen in a long ass time.

The minions full movie